ZIAM Episode 43: Guilt - Stop Wasting Your Time
Guilt – Stop Wasting Your Time
Do you ever feel guilty, like this heavy weight inside of yourself when you think of something? Maybe you’re not spending enough time with your kids, and you’re having to work longer than you’d like to, or maybe you’re not calling your mother enough, or there’s some friend that you feel that you’re not being able to show up for? There’s all kinds of ways in which guilt can show up in our life. What I’m here to tell you is that guilt is closing. It is a waste of your energy. I’m going to talk to you today about what it actually is and how you can actually do something about it to release it so you don’t have to live with that heavy feeling any more, and also to know when you have done something that you need to reconcile, how to do that, because it should be opening.
What is guilt? One of the things that I’ve found is our stress, the things that close our internal guidance system… If you don’t know what the IGS is, the internal guidance system, go to zeninamoment.com and watch the video on the home page. I’ll walk you through feeling it for yourself. You were born with it. You have it. I teach people how to use it. Guilt is closing. That means what you’re thinking that has you feel this experience of guilt is not true, or the story that your mind is running is about something that actually didn’t happen, or the person that you’re feeling guilty about doesn’t see it the same way you do. When something closes you, when it feels heavy, when you feel a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, a tightness in your chest, a real heaviness in your chest, that lump in your throat as you’re thinking about a person, or a situation, or something that you might have done, that sensation means that what you’re thinking is not true. It’s not true.
Recently I was having a guilty feeling because I had to put in an extreme amount of work for a project that I was involved in, and I was not able to spend as much time with my four-year-old son. There were some times when he was having issues about it. He didn’t want to go to school on Monday, because I hadn’t been able to spend much time with him over the weekend, because I had to work, but my husband had been spending time with him. They had a great time. They were doing Legos, and playing cards, and having so much fun. It was an experience that my son usually doesn’t get to have with my husband. There was a place in me when my son left for school, for about an hour after he left, where this guilt was weighing on me. I was feeling selfish because I was choosing my purpose and work over my son that weekend. It’s closing. I know that it’s not true.
Where does it come from? We’re programmed between the ages of zero and seven by the people around us about what makes us a good person and a bad person. What are the things that we have to do in order to have the other people in our life be happy with us, what it takes to be a good mom or a bad mom, what makes us selfish. There’s all kinds of ways in which we get programmed and they show up in our lives, as well as we’re actually given guilt. My mom has passed away, but when she was alive, if I didn’t call her within about a ten-day period consistently, between seven and ten days, if I didn’t call her, she started feeling sorry for herself and had self-pity. I would call her, and I could hear it in her voice. I would have to say I was sorry, that I got busy with school or whatever was going on. It became this thing where it weighed on me that I must call my mom in order for her to be okay. There’s ways in which other people put the guilt on us. I know this happens, also, for spouses, where you have somebody who’s making you feel guilty about taking time for yourself when you do.
Here’s the thing that’s most important for you to know. It’s not opening, which means it’s not something you need to solve. Instead, if you are feeling like you have done something that you need to atone for, that there is a way in which I should have spent more time with my son on the weekend because he needed me, it would open me. You feel a relaxed, open feeling inside. That allows you to be present with the fact that you need to do something differently in your life, but it doesn’t have you feel bad. The interesting thing about the internal guidance system is when you feel like you need to do something differently, it opens you. There’s a life force energy in that opening which gives you the courage, the stamina to stand up and apologize or make the decision to do something differently. The guilt aspect of it, the heavy weighing of it, is not that experience. If you are feeling guilty about something… Maybe you got mad at somebody and said something you felt you shouldn’t have. If it opens you that you shouldn’t have said that thing and you need to apologize, go apologize. If it doesn’t, if it closes you, if that guilt is giving you an experience of closing, that means you need to do your own internal work and look at how you’re feeling about yourself.
What place inside of you are you shaming yourself, being hard on yourself? One of the most beautiful things about the internal guidance system is it begins to unravel the places where we’re too hard on ourselves, where we beat ourselves up for things that we shouldn’t be beating ourselves up for. If you’re someone whose mind is really hard on you, this is a place where your internal guidance system can unravel and change those neural pathways so you don’t have to listen to that insistent voice in your head that you’re not doing good enough, that you’re bad, that you should be working harder, that there’s a way in which you’re not enough. That voice is very often closing, and it is debilitating. It is hijacking you. It is a waste of your time and energy to listen to that voice. However, because it comes from your programming between the ages of zero and seven, much of it is in your subconscious. Ninety-five percent of our experience in the world, and our actions that we take, and the thoughts that we have come from our subconscious mind. That is an unhealthy voice that you need to reconfigure in your brain. You do that by noticing when it’s arriving, and it’s showing up, and whether it opens you or closes you. If it closes you, it’s lying to you. If it opens you, then you need to do something different. It will feel good to do something different.
This is Zen in a Moment. Take the time to check out what’s feeling guilty for you today and whether or not it’s an inner voice that’s lying to you, and you need to let that go, you’ve done nothing wrong, or whether it’s opening and there is some way in which you need to atone for your actions and apologize. Here’s the good news. When you atone for your actions and it’s from an opening place, you will be received. The person will love you and receive you. Enjoy your week. I’d love it if you’d go to zeninamoment.com and check out the programs that we have there. We have a brand new game called the Recreating You game. It’s a 14-day game that we’re going to start on Mother’s Day this year, May 14. Be looking for it. If you’re not on my email list, you can get on my email list at zeninamoment.com. Go ahead and sign up right there on the home page. You’ll be notified of our game. We’ve got some fabulous prizes, but the most important prize of all is for you to be more relaxed, happy, and aware of how your internal guidance system works. We’re going to be peeling an onion away, getting rid of a bunch of stuff in the subconscious mind that doesn’t serve you so you can be happier, feel more open, and live in the flow every day feeling light, open, and wise. That’s the flow. Until we get to be together again, remember, as always, I am sending you love and blessings.