ZIAM Episode 31: Start a Practice of Healthy Self Talk
If someone were to listen to you talking to yourself throughout the day, what would they hear?
Think about whether you would be proud of how you’re talking to yourself OR if you would be embarrassed and ashamed.
Today I want to talk about incorporating into your life some self talk that’s positive, healing, and beautiful. Tune in to learn some tips and tools on how to shift your self talk today.
I want to talk to you for a moment about what does it sound like inside of your head? If someone were to listen to you talking to yourself throughout the day, what would they hear? Would you be proud of how you’re talking to yourself? Would you be embarrassed and ashamed of how you talk to yourself? Well, today I want to talk to you about incorporating into your life some self-talk that’s generative, and positive, and healing, and beautiful. This is such an important practice, because how you talk to yourself is what the cells of your body listen to. Your body, your subconscious mind, and the whole body is consciously listening in on how you talk to yourself. I want to give you some tips and tools on how to shift that today.
There was a time when my own internal self-talk was so brutal. I was constantly picking on myself. In my last podcast, episode 30, I talk about self-love and how that can show up, if you don’t have self-love, as a reflection in the world around you. In this particular episode, I want to talk about the next step in that, which is really beginning to treat yourself as your own lover, beginning to treat yourself as a nurturing mom…or a nurturing dad, if you’re listening to this and you’re a dad…someone who truly loves you and is encouraging you to do better. Now, listen, I’m a high performance being. I really, truly am. I get shit done in my life. I have this standard that is so high for myself in every area of my life. I want my family to be a certain way. I want my students and the people who work with me in my courses to get particular transformative results. I want to have an epic love affair with my husband. I live in the country. I garden, and I grow my own food. I also write books and travel the world. I do all this stuff. Part of the big reason why is because I’ve learned to cultivate what I call my self-love voice. I’ve learned to have deep compassion for myself.
When I first started out, I was brutal. I picked on myself for everything that I didn’t get done in the day instead of what I did get done. I would shortchange myself in my own compliments of myself and just find everything that wasn’t perfect. What I found was that this is debilitating. It stopped me from being able to put things out in the world. It also crushed my energy level and made me not love the person who was in the mirror. Your head noise is what stops you from not loving the person in the mirror. It’s your job. Your job is to love you. Your job is to love the person in the mirror. I’m here to tell you there are many, many, many, many, many things that you should be loved for, and there are many, many things throughout your day that nobody is paying attention to but that you need to be congratulated for, that you need to be honored for, that you need to get a little pat on the back for, simple little things from letting somebody in in traffic, to being kind to somebody that you know is stressed out, to going that little extra mile to make that favorite thing for your family, or possibly it’s to take a little extra off somebody’s plate that you know needs it, or volunteer to do something, all day long. Even if you’re just thinking kindly about somebody, something kind that you’d love to do for somebody. Maybe there’s a gift you’d love to buy somebody but you can’t afford, or something you’d love to do and you can’t actually do it, but you thinking about doing it counts.
You need to acknowledge you all day long. Give yourself little pats on the back. Now, this voice that I’m talking about, maybe you have it; maybe it’s already there. I’m not talking about an arrogant, egotistical voice. “Hey, man, I did good. I let that person in traffic. I’m so nice. I’m so awesome.” No, no, no, no. Maybe you have that voice, but I’m actually talking about combating the voice that’s taking out and taking the wind from beneath your own sails throughout your day. You acknowledging you fills your cells with energy. Now, I’m taking this from the internal guidance system. Everybody is born with an internal guidance system. It’s part of what I teach. If you don’t know what your internal guidance system is, go to zeninamoment.com and check out the video there. I’ll walk you through an exercise, where you can feel it for yourself. You were born with it. Everyone has it. It’s my main thing as a guidance. It aligns you with divine energy. It lets you know which thoughts are moving you towards health, happiness, and success by this expanded feeling or that’s a collapsed, tight feeling, which is stress, worry, fear, anxiety, overwhelm, the physical sensation of that, frustration, irritation. All of that is a tightening, which means what you’re thinking isn’t true.
The reason why it’s so important for you to cultivate this voice inside your head that is acknowledging you, and loving you, and is compassionate about your faults, and when you’re going through difficult times, it’s the one that says, “You’re going to make it through this. You can do this. I know it’s really hard right now.” There were a few months there where I was going through a lot. We were in a totally new space, and we were going through a lot trying to figure out what we were going to do. We had a toddler. There were challenges there. There was a lot of work to be done. There was all kinds of stuff happening in our lives. I bought myself a bracelet that said Beautiful girl, you can do hard things as a reminder. This time of your life is really hard, but you can do it.
Throughout my day, I’ve learned to cultivate a soothing inner voice. It’s a practice. When I find myself beating myself up, I have to say…It’s easier now, but it was hard in the beginning…”No, no. I’m working hard. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, things are challenging right now. Yes, we have more things breaking than we have money in the bank. Yes, I’ve got to keep working and moving, and I’m tired. Yes, this is hard finding my faults and coming to the table open and ready for change in my relationship. Yes, it’s challenging for me right now energetically. I’m tired, and I don’t want to put in the extra mile. Things are hard sometimes. But you can do it. You’re amazing. You’ve got the energy for it. You’ve been through challenging times before. The other side of this is going to be even better than it was before. Every time you’ve ever done anything that has been challenging, or hard, or come through a hard time, you’ve always looked back and said, ‘That was worth it. It’s awesome. It’s great. This is going to be one of the best things that has ever happened to you, having these challenges right now. You’re going to learn so much.'”
That voice, not the one of, “This is too hard. I can’t do it. Screw it. I want to quit. I want to give up. I’m not good enough. I can’t figure this out. I keep falling back on the same problems. Why can’t I ever change? What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I have this figured out by now? I’m in my 40s. Everything should be different by now. I’m never going to find happiness. When are my dreams going to be fulfilled? Why am I even here? What’s going on with my life?” It feels like many women in my life have been going through similar things, which is why I’m bringing this up. There’s a midlife crisis for some women going on in the world, where we’re like, “What the heck is wrong with me? Why can’t I figure it out?” Well, I can tell you that it’s a time that you’re going through, but also what I can tell you is that there’s a voice of direness, of failure, that can show up when things are hard. My goodness. It can show up when things aren’t hard, just going through your day. “Oh, my God. I’m so tired. I can’t do this any more. What’s going on? Is it ever going to get any better?”
That voice needs to be combated with self-love. “You can do this. It’s going to be awesome. You’re so beautiful. You’re amazing. You’re doing the best you can.” Sensing a theme? You have to cultivate it. It’s not something natural. I can almost promise you that there wasn’t somebody that taught you before the age of seven how to have a soothing, encouraging, loving, beautiful inner voice. Most of us got the opposite, the comparison, how do I measure up voice. “I’m not measuring up right. Look at everybody else.” That’s where this other critical voice comes from, a lot of the times, is measurement. Also, we’re really good at acknowledging our faults and not so great at acknowledging what’s beautiful about us, what is working about us. The other thing about the critical voice is it’s very dire, and it’s very short-minded. It has a short-term view of the world. If you look at it in a long-term view, you’ve gone through hard things before. Maybe there’s all kinds of areas in your life that are great, but there’s two that are weighing on you. Maybe it’s a relationship with a child or your spouse. Maybe your career is not going in the direction that you want it to go in, and it’s a mess. Maybe it’s your physical health and your body. You’re aging, and you’re not taking the time to really keep yourself youthing, doing the things you know you need to do to help you stay young and reverse your aging process with energy like yoga, and food, and a happy mindset.
My point is we will always have something that our mind can pick on us for. It’s your job to cultivate the self-soothing, loving voice that’s acknowledging all the things you do right, and how you’ve gone through hard things before, and you’ll be able to accomplish these things in the end. You have time to do them. You have time to make these changes. It doesn’t have to happen tomorrow, or next week, or even next month, or even this year. You have time and you will do it. You’ll get there and everything will work out. It always does. Beautiful girl, you can do hard things.
With that, I want to say thank you so much for listening. I love you dearly. Please share the word. Send this out. I’m starting a girlfriend campaign for those of you who listen. If you could tell two girlfriends, and ask them to tell two girlfriends, and ask them to tell two girlfriends about this podcast and their internal guidance system, we can cure stress for all of us women who have so much we contribute in our lives to everyone around us. We need to be living stress-free, happy, and empowered. Learning to use your internal guidance system is one of the best ways to do that. Share, please, and ask them to share. Keep sharing until we transform the way women are doing their lives into a sense of flow, feeling light, open, and wise. Also, you can comment below or give us a shout-out on iTunes. It really helps a lot. In the meantime, until I get to be with you again, I am sending you love and blessings.