ZIAM Episode 21: How to Ask For Help
How are you at asking for help? Is it hard for you to do?
Asking for help can be SO incredibly difficult.
Today I’m going to give you straightforward ways to ask for help and get the support you need NOW.
How do you feel about asking for help? Tell me one thing you need help with today in the comments below.
How are you asking for help? What are your belief systems around it? Is it something that is hard for you to do, maybe? Or maybe you wait until the very last second until you’re so absolutely frazzled that it comes across as a demand, or as if you’re being a victim or a martyr? There’s so many ways in which asking for help can be so incredibly difficult. Today I’m going to give you some straightforward ways to feel your way into how to, in a healthy way, ask for help, get the support you need, and actually be using your divine purpose at the same time.
We pick up our beliefs about help, getting help, and providing help from our parents, from our loved ones, from the people around us, and their beliefs around it. Some people never would receive help in any way, shape, or form because they’re too proud, or maybe one of your parents felt like they didn’t want to owe anybody. They were never going to let anybody help them. Also, maybe another parent always got help. Their own parents supported them throughout their entire life. Whenever they needed it, they would come in and bail them out, never allowing them to truly grow up. In these situations, we have a tendency to either accept the way that our parents received or didn’t receive help, or we can rebel against it. “I’m not going to be like them. I’m never going to let anybody help me,” or “I’m not going to be like them. I’m going to need help.” Another thing that can happen is we take on so much. We try to do it all by ourselves. Then we get to a place where we go into breakdown. You can go into breakdown, and then you become controlling. Maybe you’re running around the house screaming at your family, “I need help with this, and I need help with that,” or maybe it’s the “I have to do everything around here.”
Well, here’s the thing. Whether or not you need help depends on whether it opens you. Now, when I say opening, I mean using your internal guidance system and feeling an expanded feeling, a relaxed openness in the center of your body. If you have not felt your internal guidance system, go to zeninamoment.com. There on the home page is a video that will walk you through feeling your internal guidance system for yourself. This is a physical guidance system that you can feel, that you were born with. It helps you in everyday moments to decide what is the right choice for you.
In the relationship with asking for help, sometimes you’ll feel a closing. That’s a tight feeling in the center of your body, which means your internal guidance system, when you are thinking about asking someone for help, it’ll show up feeling like stress, which is anxiety, and worry, and fear or you could be feeling overwhelmed, or frustrated, and irritated. In those moments, those are closing. That means what you’re thinking in that moment is not true or not going to happen. In relationship to, let’s say, we’re going to take this martyr moment, where you’re starting to get super frustrated, and overwhelmed, and angry at everyone around you. You’re in the moment of wanting to lash out and show how you do everything. You’re going to tell everybody how you have to do everything and go into your martyr moment, you’re closed. That means what you’re thinking about you doing everything around the house is not true. You’re having a reactive moment, and it’s actually false. It’s going to alienate your spouse. It’s going to alienate your children. It’s going to alienate co-workers. It’s a defense mechanism that you have, and it’s not healthy. It’s not something that you can trust. It’s time to back off, and drop in, and use relaxation techniques, use your internal guidance system techniques if you’ve been studying with me, to find your openings, relax, and not create any wreckage.
On the other hand, you may be thinking that you don’t need help, or you can’t ask for help, or you shouldn’t get help, and you’ll once again be closed. You’ll feel that anxiety or tense feeling. That means what you’re thinking about getting help is not true, and that you do need help, and you should ask for help. By using this navigation system inside of yourself, you can find the right people, the right timing, and the right things to ask for to get help on. We’re not down here on this planet to do it all by ourselves. This is a collaborative effort. When you actually don’t let somebody help you when you’re open to getting help, you’re stopping them from living their divine purpose. Their divine purpose in that moment is to collaborate and be a part of your life. By you not being able to get over your own ego, your own pride, your own issues, you’re stopping that collaboration from happening. It’s the same thing when you’re open to helping somebody, let’s say, and they don’t let you help them. It’s just one of these moments where it’s a shame.
Now, this stuff works equally with somebody who’s asking you for your help. You can check in and feel whether it opens you to help them or not. If it doesn’t open you to help them, your help is not going to help. If it doesn’t open you to help them, then it will hinder them, or there’s somebody else that is to provide that collaborative help that they need. It’s their divine purpose, not yours, to supply that. I remember this one time where I had a friend of mine, who is also a family member, and we had a relative who was posting stuff on a social media outlet that was not good. They called me and said, “You really need to help us with her. You’re the only one that can talk to her.” I got a closing. What I got was an opening that the person who was asking for my help, it was their job. They’re the ones who needed to step up. They were a lot younger than me, but they were in the picture at the time, and still are. They’re a matriarch of the family now. They needed this training, and this respect level, and this putting their foot down to be a part of their lives. They were the right person, and it turned out great. I could have gone in, and jumped in, and fixed things, but then this beautiful relationship and lesson, and somebody who was on the ground with the family who could watch it, and take care of it, and get the respect from it would have lost that opportunity.
I want to just encourage you to notice when you’re going into these places where you’re feeling overwhelmed, or you don’t have support, or maybe you’re feeling like you can’t do it on your own and you need to cry out and have someone bail you out, see if that opens you. If you’re feeling anxiety about asking for help, it’s not for you to be asking for help. That’s when you check in and find out if it opens you, that you can do it on your own, that you can solve this, that you can find the resources. I hope this helps.
Once again, if you need to, go back and review at zeninamoment.com the exercise of using your internal guidance system. I have a ton of other podcasts there that show you how to use your internal guidance system in different situations. They’re ongoing. You can get a real good feel for this amazing part of yourself that you were born with. Please comment below. I want to know how you feel about asking for help or how you feel about others asking for your help. It’s such a powerful thing. Please comment and tell me. I learn so much from hearing about other people’s experiences in this area. It really helps enhance my capacity to teach. Also, share, share, share. Please post this on Twitter and Facebook. It’s right there on the podcast that you’re listening to. Share it with your friends. I believe this information changes lives. I thank you so much for your support and your help. I’m ever so grateful that you listen to these podcasts. I look forward to meeting you someday and having you a part of my life. Until then, I’m sending you love and blessings.